I will survive! :-D

As I entered our living room coming back from working late, I noticed my youngest daughter fast asleep on the couch. She left her laptop still working, placed on top of our center table. It was obvious she fell asleep on the couch while completing her school assignments.

I thought I should just turn it off, wake her up and ask her to move into her bedroom so she could sleep properly when I noticed the screen saver with big, bold letters running repeatedly: I WILL SURVIVE! :-D I WILL SURVIVE! :-D I WILL SURVIVE! :-D

I was surprised! My daughter is only 12 years old and I cannot see any reason why she would use that phrase as her laptop's screensaver as if she wants to always be reminded of it. Besides, I also do not think that she meant the song (popularized by Gloria Gaynor) because she was not even born yet when that song hit the airwaves. And experience tell me that such song is mostly sung (jokingly and loudly) by people in pubs when already drunk, wanting to forget their past or present troubles in life.

I looked at my sleeping daughter at the couch and I realized that she was indeed too tired from school. My intuition tell me that my youngest daughter used that statement I WILL SURVIVE! :-D as a screensaver to encourage herself to go on amidst challenges.

My daughter transfered to Singapore only in January to start her secondary schooling after studying in the Philippines for the past 4 years. While in the Philippines, she had been a very diligent student and consistently leading in her class. She chose to move back to Singapore again to make it easier for her to go to a local Singapore University afterwards. I told my daughter earlier that studying in Singapore could be very tough but she insisted that there could be no harm if she would just give it a try. I happily agreed to bring her back to Singapore not only because I could see her determination but also because I wanted her to be with me more and more.

It is a known fact that schooling in Singapore is indeed tough. Both teachers and parents expect too much from the students therefore students tend to be highly competitive. Schools would like to produce the best students so they can consistently rank highly in the Ministry of Education's listing. When my daughter started schooling here again, I had so much fear that my daughter would find her studies very difficult. However, to my surprise, my daughter seems to be adapting well. She has been showing self-confidence and is openly participating in school activities. She has been getting very high (if not the highest) grades in all her subjects. In addition she seems to be well-loved by her teachers.

But in my mind, her screensaver could be a signal of something deep and contradictory. I started to doubt. Is my daughter really coping well or is she stretching herself too much just to pass her subjects? What if she gets burned out? I became bothered by the thought.

As I turned off her computer and closed its cover, my daughter suddenly woke up (as if she knew that somebody was invading a part of her). She stood up, walked to get a glass of water, came back to the couch and sat down. It was obvious that her brain had been recharged and ready to function again.

I knew that if I would talk to her I need to do it before she turns on her laptop again, or else I would be able to talk to her only after she would finish her homeworks. So, I did not waste time, I carefully asked her the question, "My dear, why did you choose that phrase "I will survive" as your screen saver, any reason for that?"

Her answer hit me deep. "Mom, you have this litany of advise to my elder siblings which got stuck to my brain. I may be playing or watching TV but a part of me is always glued to all your conversations. I made the decision to transfer back here in Singapore to study so I will take responsibility of my decision. And no matter how difficult it would be, with my determination, I know I will survive."

I smiled, hugged her, and with a lump in my throat I whispered to her, "I know you will, I am sure you will."

Thinking back, I tried to recall the "litany of advise" that my youngest daughter meant. "You all need to be independent and self-motivated. You need to be sure of what you want in life and strive to achieve it. We as parents would not be here forever to support you. You should strive for your own future."

This was the same litany that I heard from my own parents. Somehow I realized, what I learned from my parents I consciously or unconsciously had been passing on to my children. I also realized then that my constant communication and advise to my children were somehow effective and well received. I am very proud of them, much as I hope my parents were proud of me.